a pile of ashes alongside the creek
half burned images of a life past
charred 50's square cut photographs
black and white memories
of a time past?
do they know how they got here
half burned
half forgotten
do they know how it happened

Getting it back

So, its been a long several weeks, the departure of the best friends, the feeling of indecisiveness, the daily battles of staying motivated at work, and overall feeling lackluster.  Then it happened.  My buddy Matt and I were talking about trying to get out climbing, I had low hopes...  just haven't been feeling that motivated, but there have been a few things on my Sedona list that I have been wanting to get on.  I threw out a suggestion of doing a new 5.10 in West Fork to which he countered "how 'bout Into the Wild"?  Hold on stop the presses YES!  Into the Wild is a 8/9 pitch route that went up several years ago, authored by Burcham and Chris and its been on the list since the first day Chris handed me the topo.  Thing is no one wanted to go do it with me.  Its out of season, its too hard, its too long, the excuses have been piling up, so it got pushed to the periphery until now.  Matt didn't have to ask me twice!
      Now I must admit that my mental map must have been skewed when I envisioned the orientation of the route.  Somehow I thought we would be in the shade all day and my main concern was beating the ever present Monsoons.  (More on that soon)  So Matt and I met at Macys pseudo early and rallied down to Oak Creek.  Quick side note, Friday night I had intentions to have dinner with Peterson, Ali, and Lil Nikki, however after an hour of driving in the dark unable to find Petersons house I went home and pouted over a dinner of ice cream with Magic shell (I was feeling quite low.)  Anyhow Matt and I get coffeed up and head down to Oak Creek.  We rack up, what a great rack, less than a singe set of cams and fifteen quickdraws, yipee, and hike up to the route.  Rarely in Sedona are approaches this straight forward, we were at the base of the route in less than half an hour.  It looked amazing!  Still concerned about the monsoons I stuffed my rain shell and Matts into my backpack and somehow let Matt talk me out of bringing my waterbottle.  With little more ado I launched up the first pitch and the adventure began!
     The first pitch is a very enjoyable finger crack through pods which helped shake off the cobwebs clouding my brain, soon I was in the groove and motored up and to the first belay, looking around it seemed like I would be able to link the next pitch so I scrambled up the slabs and soon was clipping my way up the second pitch.  From below came the warnings of 50ft! 40ft! 20ft! and just as I touched the belay 8ft!  What a fantastic rope stretcher of a pitch!  I clipped in and soon Matt was making his way up.
     As I belayed Matt up the first two pitches I stared into the canyon around and below me and was overwhelmed by the beauty.  I could feel the weight of the past several weeks lift off my soul as I soaked in the view.  A hummingbird flitted within inches of my face, I assume it was assessing my bright orange helmet and when he decided that it was not edible winged away.  From below us came the shriek of a peregrine and I watched as it made its way through the treetops and out of sight.  From out of nowhere appeared a bat, flapping his leathery wings and lighting on the cliff occasionally and then bouncing back into the air.  The requisite butterfly fluttered by.  Then I heard a skittering and looked over to see a lizard stalking a small insect, in the blink of an eye it pounced and the insect vanished.  Amazing.  Soon I could hear Matt as he neared the belay and we both laughed as he topped out.  Matt racked up and soon was on his way.
     We steadily made our way up the route, classic and clean climbing with occasional sand but nothing too bad.  As I climbed I began to notice that the monsoon clouds I had been expecting were not exactly filling the sky, instead the sun was beating down on us!  The temperature rose.  I began to feel funny.  At the huge ledge about halfway up I took my harness off and relieved myself way away from the route.  A little better but perhaps ice cream for dinner wasn't the best decision!  The sun continued to beat down, the foul glowing orb sucking our souls with its hellish heat.  Soon we were at the base of the crux.  I took the rack and headed up.  About ten feet off the belay I had to pause and gather myself.  I felt low.  I pushed on.  Through the steep, juggy roof to a small perch below the meat of the pitch, I paused again.  The sun smiled down, more of a smirk really, sweat dripped from beneath my helmet.  I launched into it. Amazing layback up a clean corner with bolts at all the right places.  Then it got hard!  I pulled into the last of the laybacking, my heart pounding in my temples.  My breathing was to fast, I looked at my next bolt, even with my waist...  I tried to let go to grab a draw and clip but my balance was too precarious, I took a deep breath and was off into space.  It was a clean fall and felt exhilerating to fall that high on a route, but as I dangled there in space something primal happened.  Hrraugh!   (oh God! came from below!)  Hurraugh!  two of the most painful dry heaves ever!  Matt laughed and I just closed my eyes and rested my head on the wall.  Oh please don't throw up I thought.  I dangled there for a few minutes longer and then slowly began inching my way up the rest of the pitch, bolt to bolt.  I was exhausted.  I was too tired even to place any gear after the bolts ran out, instead just ran it out to the next belay.  I collapsed on the ledge and cursed the sun!  Soon Matt was climbing and I tried to stay awake and keep him on belay!  It was sooo hot!  95 degrees is what I saw on the weather page when I got home...
     When Matt rejoined me at the belay he was dripping with sweat and of course his camelbak was dry. I knew I should have brought that water bottle.  I asked if he wanted to launch into the last pitch and he declined.  Soon I was making my way up the last pitch and even though I think I was on the verge of heat stroke I marveled at the amazing exposure, fantastic position, and spectacular climbing.  As I topped out I thought again at how lucky we are to live where we do.  We made it back to the packs with no problems and each gulped down a liter of water.  With our packs back on we made our way back to the truck just as the sky let a few drops of rain fall.

Found Keys of Adventure

Back from an amazing trip to the Valley and here is the bare bones breakdown.  First let me say I bought new keys to adventure and hit the Valley packing a double set, new rope, new shoes, new harness, and new draws, even new chalk bags thanks to Gina and Frank.  Yup I was that guy.    Roll into the Valley Sunday afternoon, sit in the meadow gaze at the Captain.  Make camp Sunday night and crash.  Sleep in Monday morning and casually cruise to Nutcracker and pass one party.  Kate led the alternate start and P3. Walk off and run up Haleys Comet.  Back to the Meadow.  Tuesday up early and over to Royal Arches.  Parties stacked up in front of us again to the alternate start and Kate started the day again.  We blasted up the route, passed all five other parties in what I thought was a very polite and classy way.  3/4 of the way up decided to let go of the plan to do Crest Jewel after hearing the descent might be snow packed.  Opted to rap instead.  No problems until a minor wrong turn at the last rap forcing us to rap off of dead tree and through a waterfall.  Tag line got stuck and had to lead up the actual waterfall to get it un-jammed.  Then a refreshing dip in "the Devils Bathtub".  Weds another casual start and over to Reed Pinacle and a run on Reeds Direct.  Kate again took the first pitch and cruised, I thoroughly enjoyed the second/crux? pitch.  From the big ledge we planned on doing the 5.9 finish but were stymied by the squeeze chimney and ended up battling up into the offwidth finish... don't climb chimney or off width with no shirt!  What a battle, physically daunting and somewhat intimidating running it out over small cams.  Back to the Meadow and ran into Kates friends and straight to the Pizza deck!  Thursday and we headed over to Middle Cathedral and head up the Kor-Beck on the recomendation of our friend Maura.  What a great adventure, today I led pitch one and the adventure only grew.  Kate overshot the belay on her lead almost linked two pitches.  I punched it and linked the crux and the last pitch for an amazingly long run out pitch!  Amazing view and quite the belay ledge.  A wild and adventurous, but safe route, and best of all no lines!  Friday move into Camp 4, a several hour long ordeal, but at least we got a site.  After lots of shuffling and logisitics we walked (farther than I remembered!) over to Bishops Terrace and squeezed in one route with Kate leading B.T.  What a classic route.  Saturday wake and head back to the Cathedral area and hike up to Lower Cathedral spire and have a splendid day on South by Southwest.  Again Katie led first, but somehow linked the first two pitches and found a much more difficult and challenging variation to the first pitch.  It was truly the closest I came to falling and the most scared I was all day... following.  Linked Pitches 4 and 5 for a truly memorable long enduro pitch, 10d boulder problem was the technical crux on the 4th pitch with the 5th being hands to fist 11a enduro.  Next time better use of slings and maye more than one #3, pretty pumped and run out by the time I realized I had passed the belay and had to down climb!  Kate led P6 to the summit and we soaked in likely the best view of the valley I've had yet.  Back to the meadow for one last glimpse of the sun setting on the Captain and then Sunday we were off.  All in all a grand outing, absolutely no problems or glitches.  We never waited to get on a route, never epiced, and never were without food, beer, wine, or whiskey!  Next trip Astroman and the Steck Salathe?

Losing the Keys to Adventure

     I had hoped my next entry would be Part II of the canoe, dog, posse, trip, but I was lax and in the interim I lost the keys to adventure.  Let me explain.  Several weeks ago I was surfing the ole Facespace and saw that my friend Molly had experienced a series of set backs.  She and her girlfriend had been in Costa Rica when someone slipped into their hotel room and stole their passports, ID, and money from beneath their bed... while they were sleeping.  After resolving that nightmare and returning to the states Molly's garage caught fire and burned to the ground, taking with it many of her personal belongings.  As I listened to Molly she described the items she had lost and the emotional ramifications of losing items that we bestow with a sense worth.  Of course it struck a nerve when she told me that her motorcycle had been uninsured and had been smothered by the burning building, but what really hit home was when she described finding the charred scrap of what she assumed had been her North Face bag.  At its most fundamental a backpack or duffle bag is nothing more than a fabric vessel that is used to transport items.  But when we examine it closer this item, this piece of gear, is more than a simple vessel, it is a key to adventure.  With this item, or items, we are allowed to open ourselves to the wider world, whether it be via athletic pursuits or world travel or what ever endeavor that we embark on that sends our heart racing.    What is the Kayaker without her boat, what is the cyclist without his steed, the photographer without their camera, the climber without his rack.  Even the most independent or minimalist still relies on a piece or pieces of equipment to assist them in their exploratio of our world or themselves.  Even Dean Potter wears shoes... most of the time.  Our "gear" is our key, our body the hand that turns the key and with it the world throws open the doors of adveture.

Seven days, one rope, one rack, eight people, five dogs, four canoes, and a heck of a good time! Part I

     Sometimes a trip just comes at the ideal time.  Just happens to fall into the timeline of life in such away that while you're not actually running away from something you're getting the hell out of town at a really ideal time.  Such was the case last week as Lil Nik and I packed up the truck to head to Moab for a multi sport adventure trip.  My good friend Nate had put together a 5 day 4 night canoe trip along the Green River.   Nikki and I had both picked up a few extra days off and were heading north for a few extra days.  With the ole Hoffman "Chili" Tripper (Old Town Canoe) lashed to the roof rack and a double set of cams packed in the back we loaded up the dogs and pointed the nose north up Highway 89.  As we crested the rise by Sunset Crater snow spattered the windshield.  Fitting I thought.  We barreled through the barren Navajo lands, buffeted by wind but the snow and rain subsided.  We stopped in Tuba City at the Tuvii Cafe and each got a Navajo Taco, maybe not the best decision! and hammered onward towards our first destination... Mexican Hat.

Nik topping out the Mexican Hat!

Looking back at Nik as I teach myself how to
aid climb

  Now as most of my climbing friends know I am not much of an aid climber and Nikki is even less of one...  so our summit bid may not have been the prettiest or smoothest.  I am sure that Bustin Dustin or Gordo would have fallen of the belay ledge laughing if they had seen my ascent of the bolt ladder!

Nik and I atop the Mexican Hat!

      After a brief celebration on the summit, only somewhat marred by the fact that the bottle of Beam was empty and in the place of the hand grenade only a geocache, we rapped back to out packs and boogied back to the truck.  We each cracked an almost cold one and once again tilted the rudder and set sail towards Moab.  It was just dusk when we reached the bivy spot for Castleton and the Valley had that feel of a place that while you haven't spent enough time there it still feels like home.  We got ourselves situated and tucked in for the night.  The first light of morning showed low clouds and mild temperatures and we found ourselves in no rush to hustle up to the Korr-Ingalls route on Castleton tower.  After coffee was made and instant oatmeal munched we packed up the bags and began the approach to the tower.  The clouds overhead were fairly ominous but we decided to push on.  We reached the low bench just below the tower proper and realized that we'd need to leave the dogs here at the base.  A light rain began to fall and we still decided to "check out" the base of the route.  We stretched out the rope bag as a shelter for the hounds, tied Emma up, and made our way to the base of the route.  It rained a little harder and it may have been a bit cool!  Still the foolhardy duo we decided what the hell the rocks not that wet and the first pitch is basically all calcite, whats the worst that could happen!  I roped up and headed into the slickery white chimney and it turns out that calcite is even more slippery when its wet!  I reached the belay and soon Nik was on her way up, lamenting the glassy stone as "gross" and maybe "disgusting"!  As she climbed the weather shifted  just slightly and soon the rock around me began to dry and the sun fought its way out from behind the clouds.

Nik hamming it up before the second
pitch of Kor Ingalls

Nik all tangled up in herself

Nikki arrived at the belay a bit chilly but in good spirits and we decided to continue up at least one more pitch.  Whats the worst that could happen right?  Nik led the second pitch and was a true rock star as she navigated her way through the off width cracks and soon I was starting up the third pitch and we were actually dry and somewhat warm.  The third pitch was a blast, very reminiscent of ole Sedony OW/chimney climbing, but on better rock!  Nik also made short work of the third pitch but was a bit tuckered when she hit the belay.  I had to break it to her that theres no rest for the weary and soon she was fighting her way to the summit of the tower.  I think she learned a bit of a lesson about route finding as she somehow chose the more difficult of the two options to reach the summit.  She did great though and kept her composure even when she found herself all wrapped up like a pretzel!  We were on the summit in no time and took a moment to take in the view.  Spectacular, clouds ringed the valley yet we were mostly dry and in the sun.  It didn't take long before Nikki got to se a good old fashioned Dean Hoffman summit spaz out!  For some reason I just don't like being on the summit too long and get a bit anxious if we're not moving up or down!  I think I said something along the lines of "F-it I'm out of here, lets get down!"  I'm not sure why I'm such a freak on the summit, maybe its my fear of heights.  As we set up to rap down the North Face I noticed that Mariah was about a half mile down the trail fraternizing with some photographer.  The rap went smoothly and we were able to rescue a stuck rope from one of the anchors, the end had wrapped around itself in a bizarre way that made it impossible to pull from the ground, but Nikki barely had to touch it and it fell to the ground.  A good example of why its dangerous to try to ascend stuck ropes!  Almost exactly as Nik touched down snow started to fall!  What a day!  We made our way back to camp and settled in for an amazing sunset, with warm light bathing the towers Iz played on the radio, What a Wonderful World.  It was amazing.

Yeah party on the summit, pre freak out!

Nik slaving away to get packed for the canoe trip, at least 20 hrs pre departure!

We awoke to a cloudless sky and the sound of multiple parties hiking up to either Castleton or the Rectory.  Funny cause Nik and I had been the only ones up there the day before.  We had a casual morning about camp.  Or I should say I had a casual day around camp because Nik didn't seem to have processed that we had ALLLLLL day to pack for our coming canoe trip and had pretty much reorganized and packed everything before 8 a.m.!  We lounged about camp a bit, taking in the view and enjoying not having anywhere specific to be.  After some time we loaded the dogs up and headed to the Big Bend boulders for a quick session.  The rock was extremely greasy, in a much dfferent way than Castleton had been and we climbed for an hour or so before heading into town.  

       The rest of the crew was to arrive in town sometime in the evening and Nik and I headed to Ken's lake to secure an easy to find campsite, because knowing our friends they would be rolling in late and in the dark.  As luck would have it we ran into some folks from Phoenix, in town for a triathalon, who hooked us up with probably the last site in Moab!  Nikki hung out in camp and I fished my way up to the waterfall for a quick shower (no fish in the creek it turns out) then I headed down to the lake to see what I could find.  As it turns out after much frustration with getting my line tangled in the weeds on shore I landed 6 or so good size trout and a small mouth bass! 

Hard to get a good perspective, really nice size trout... just before I fell in the lake!
Then I fell in and soaked my phone and called it a day.  Around 8 or so, when Nate and Molly were supposed to arrive we got a message from them saying they were doing laundry in Bluff cause Gus the hound dog had vomited all over Nates sleeping bag!  Figures!  A little frustrated we motored into Moab and ate dinner at McStiffs.  Not the most amazing meal, but the dessert was incredible.  I can't remember what it was called but it was maple ice cream with carmel sauce, candied walnuts and the proverbial icing on the cake....  carmelized bacon, not bacon bits but nice crunchy scrumptious bacon!  We showed back up at camp just as Nate and Molly pulled in.  We caught up briefly then all retired for the evening.  It wasn't until around 2 or 3 a.m. that Greg, Mariah, John, and Jean all showed up.  Like I said our crew is never early.  As the sun began to trace the edges of the horizon we all began to slowly rouse from our sleeping bags and the excitement for our coming adventure began to rise.  But that will have to be the basis of my next post since my poor fingers are tired, almost worked to the bone!  

Busy

So I'm on a bit of a writing binge right now, trying to punch out some thoughts before I get too bogged down.  The past two weeks has been a blast, and the next week promises to be just as fun!  Last week my good friend Greg and I finally got out to Indian Creek for a blitzkrieg trip.  It was a great time, albeit a bit colder than we anticipated.  Neither one of us recognized the folly of Greg on bringing sandals until the first night we were there when the temps dipped into the 30's!  Other than the temps though the trip was fantastic.  Its been a long time since Greg and I have been out adventuring and unfortunately with he and Mariah planning on leaving town for good this summer, these adventures might be more scarce.  Some highlights of the trip were Greg saying "We'll still be able to do fun stuff once we have kids, we'll just find someone to watch them, like we do with the dogs."  That cracked me up.
I saw a meteor strike, it started out as the longest falling star I've ever seen and just after it passed below the horizon of the Bridger Jacks there was a huge flash that lit the sky.  So bright that Greg who had his back to it noticed and wondered what the flash was!  It was amazing.
We both tried routes that pushed us mentally and physically, I backed off of "Brother from another Planet" after being stymied by the overhead foot cam!  And Greg almost puked at the top of an extremely long 10+!

Battling with BFAP!

Racked up for Brother from Another Planet

Greg onsighting on a really fun
5.10 at Way Rambo

Chilling in the Bridger Jacks... literally it was damn cold!

It was a fantastic weekend even though it was short!

The following week was good, interspersed with climbing and work and this weekend was the Tatum/Nisly shindig, aka wedding.  Down in Cornville it was a raucous good time, I may have imbibed a bit too much, but with all that beer and whiskey about it was hard not to.  I've never been to Cornville and was actually quite surprised with how pretty it was, running water and Cottonwoods.  I will say that I was/am a little sore from attempting the two person cartwheel with Lil Nikki again (this time we were fully clothed) then transitioning to the Wagon Wheel, luckily I didn't get a concussion this time.  Then for some reason I feel like Nik and I took turns diving through a hula hoop?  Regardless it was a blast and waking up to the sounds of birds and cows was quite nice...  as was eating breakfast at the Coffeepot restaurant, which kind of felt like Disneyland or Las Vegas?  All in all it was great to spend the weekend with such a great group of people and to share a special day with Chris and Jess.
     One more day of work and the next adventure begins, Nik and I head to Moab tomorrow and will meet up with the posse on Thursday with canoes and dogs to float the Green river, I can only imagine the trouble we will get ourselves into!  Stay tuned!

What keeps me going...

Its been a rough few days at work, not so much the pt's but the whole beauracracy of it all, thats a whole other rant though.  Anyhow, sometimes you wonder why you're in this business at all.  Well, I got an email the other day from a pt. I had in Haiti exactly one year ago.  No he wasn't an impoverished local, he hadn't sustained a traumatic injury, but he was having the only and worst active heart attack I have ever seen.  He was a fellow aid worker who had been carrying bags of concrete (I believe) when he started having chest pain.  His group took him to the nearest medical facility they knew of which turned out to be a dentist.  They then got him to a small medical clinic which in turn got him to us at Medishare.  We had minimal cardiac monitoring equipment and initially didn't have a cardiologist or a stable area to treat him.
(If you click on the pictures they will pop up larger.)

Our CVICU!  Its kind of like one of those pictures where you're supposed to find 10 things out of the ordinary!  (Becca Sacora, EMT and our pt. Andy Anderson, no HIIPA violation here, he was okay with photos!)

 Well the stars lined up for Mister Anderson and out of nowhere, literally, a cardiologist from Phoenix walked into our tent carrying a child from and outlying camp.  After he, cardiologist, passed the child to the OR staff he came back and helped us treat Andy for the duration of is care.  While Andy was in our care the tent flooded, the small ICU was deluged with rain water pouring in through the ventilation tubes and one of the ICU pts. seized.  Andy just layed quietly as  PJ, Decker, Becca and I scrambled to help the others and monitor his condition.   Somehow Jen, the CNO, was able to coordinate a medical flight out of Miami, which when it landed found there was no fuel... luckily someone was able to call in a favor from the Airforce and get enough fuel for the return trip.  Once the plane was fueled and ready a small pickup showed up in camp and we hustled Andy out on his cot and slid him into the bed of the truck.  PJ, Decker and I hopped in the back and away we went with the Global D.I.R.T.  guys.  It was a bit tense at the gate of the airport but we eventually got onto the tarmac, we bumped our way through the darkness, trying to evade another vehicle that sure looked like it was chasing us.  We finally got to the plane and were able to transfer Andy to the flight crew and crossed our fingers that he would make it back to the States!  Well, as you can see from his email he's doing well and thanks to our initial care is healthy and happy!

Our CVICU staff, one cardiologist, one EMT, and two Medics, who would of thought! The taking of this photo made me very nervous, something about our pt. giving a thumbs up seemed like it might jinx the whole thing.  (From left, Becca Sacora EMT, Decker Weiss Cardiologist/Naturopath, Andy Anderson, PJ Lingley Medic, me Medic.)  (And no I didn't pee my pants, got soaked trying to help the ICU folks in the other half of this tent)!

Yup, this was the ambulance, leaving the camp for the airfield, felt like we were on some crazy prisoner exchange but it all worked out.  Thanks to the guys at Global D.I.R.T.

 Here's the email I got from Andy

Good morning from Augusta, GA,

    It was a year ago today when all of our paths crossed. Our Mission Trip to Port-au-Prince, Haiti was interrupted by my heart attack. I want to again thank you all for the care and support you each provided to effectively treat my condition and transport me home safely. Two stents, medications, daily exercises and a healthier diet have me in better shape today than last May.

     I just wanted to follow-up on this 1st anniversary and let you know I am doing well and feel great. I was truly blessed last year, and know God put each of you in that path to save my life.

God Bless and thank you,

                                      Andy 

  Here is the email I got from Andy one year ago

Decker, Marilyn, Dean and PJ,

     I want to thank you all for saving my life Wednesday, May 5th at the Medishare Hospital in Haiti. I saw Katie, the nurse on our mission team last night, and she gave me your e-mail addresses.

   

    The air ambulance got me to Miami in two hours. It took about an hour to get the ambulance and make it to the University of Miami ER.. The 12 lead EKG didn't show much, but when the enzymes came back, they indicated a severe heart attack. I was rushed to the cath lab. Dr. Heldman found two coronary artery blockages. He stented the one that caused the damage. An echo-cardiogram Friday showed that my heart function is still at capacity even with the damaged tissue, so I should have very little physical activity restrictions. I completed a stress test Monday, which was OK and they released me to go home.

    My wife Pam was there with me. Our Associate Pastor flew with her to Miami Wednesday night  from Augusta, once the medevac was confirmed. I have a son who lives in Bradenton Florida, and he drove over and met them at the airport. My daughter from Augusta, and other son from Bluffton, SC came down Thursday night to visit. (I guess I worried everyone.) We returned to Augusta  last Tuesday evening, and our Pastor and most of the Mission team from the trip were there at the Airport to welcome us back. (They had returned from the Dominican Republic Friday evening.) It was good to be home.

     I saw Dr. Mac Bowman, a Cardiologist here in Augusta at University Hospital this past Friday. He reinforced that there was Divine Intervention with everything occurring at the right time and place for me to have survived such a severe MI. He has scheduled me for another Heart Cath this Wednesday, and he will place a stent in the second blockage. He indicated my prognosis was very good.

    I know I was part of God's Plan that day, and hope you feel the same and recognize your contributions. Thank you and God Bless.

Andy

These are the things that keep me going and make me want to be a better medic...  These are why we do this job.